My maternal view on abortion _

This election has been one for the history books. It is filled with anger and hate on both sides with extreme opposing views. It has been hard to watch such dissension within our country. For the most part I can respect anyone's right to vote and who to vote for. We will have economical and foreign policy differences. We will disagree on different leaders abilities to lead our country.. And that is okay. We are a democracy and I think it is one of the things that makes our country so great. 

However, the abortion issue is one I struggle to ever accept or respect. To me it is saying "yeah I wouldn't kill my baby but I respect your choice to kill yours" like what?? This is just not a political difference.. It is a human rights one. I have thought so hard about the issue and as I can see where there are situations where a mother is facing a  life and death situation and her and her doctors must make quick and difficult decisions to save a life. Now  outside of that there should be no choice to terminate the pregnancy. At this point everyone has read and seen the science of that fact that these are REAL people inside the womb. They feel pain and even dream! If this law was one where abortions were only being performed under the most discerning and extreme cases that would be one thing, but that is not the majority of abortions being performed. Reasons such as, "I didn't want a boy" or "I already have two" or " I forgot about protection" are the most selfish downright evil excuses I have ever heard! I am sympathetic to any woman who has to face an unplanned pregnancy. It is a big deal, I get it. But we don't get to just murder someone to make our lives easier. There are resources. Adoption is a beautiful option, I know many families who would love and cherish that baby! 

Now from a political perspective one thing I will never understand from the left is the encouragement to abort a baby who may be born with a disability. And I am talking about a functional disability not terminal. So if a baby is diagnosed with a possible disability, where they may be different than the rest of us, it is viewed as a drain on society or a not as fulfilling life? These are the same people who scream and yell that everyone is equal and republicans are evil and racist and that we should accept everyone as the way there are.. But hey thats only if we can prevent you from being born in the first place. Now if that's not just backwards I don't know what is. I wish I were exaggerating and only using the extreme situations but these are the majority of abortions! 

The institution of abortion was created to eradicate specific people in specific cities (inner city poor families). And somehow we don't find that offensive? This is called population control not to mention racist! Hillary sat on that debate stage saying she is against countries like China for using population control when her policies are exactly that but in a milder more secretive form. 

Being a mom now I have never been so angry over such a subject. To tell me abortion is a choice is the most offensive thing I could hear as a mother and as a woman. You are telling me that when I carried my baby and I felt her kick and I saw her tiny feet stick out in my belly that she was less of a person?? That in those ultrasounds where I cried in joy over seeing her heart beat and her suck her thumb I was being emotional over a bunch of cells? And to those friends I know that lost babies or delivered premies they cried and mourned over something not real?  To the moms who adopted..that their babies should have never been born? I believe the opposite of the women's right issue on this. I think it is a strong slap in the face to all women and mothers to condone abortion. 

As a Christian I will always do my best to practice Grace and love with those who believe and think differently than I do. Even with the abortion issue I want nothing more than to tell these women you are more than this. You are more than a teenager who got pregnant, you are more than a struggling single mom, you are more than your career. You have the ability and the gift to bring another person into this world. A person who if pointed in the right direction can make a difference in this world. A person who is just as important as the president or any famous actor in Hollywood. They were thought of by our creator before they were formed in your womb. He had a plan for them and you get to be their mom or give them a family that will love them fully. You get to do the most selfless and beautiful thing in all the world. And do not let any person or government tell you this world is better without them. Choose the hard moment over the lifetime of regret and the empty spot in this world where your child belonged. 

Becoming Mommy.

The first week home after delivery was by far the toughest. I think I honestly did not know how I felt. I was overjoyed but still in this state of shock. It was this new identity that I had no time to process, and especially while being sleep deprived and having constant visitors. Nothing can prepare you for that first week. No amount of baby book's or breast feeding knowledge.

The toughest hurdle for me (other than the sleep) was breastfeeding. I felt so much pressure on me to nurse my baby and to be good at it! Well, breastfeeding is not for the weary! It was challenging and emotional. I felt so much pain every time she fed that I dreaded feeding my child. How awful! All I read was how it would be this beautiful bonding experience and every time that 3rd hour would creep up I knew it wasn't long till both Linley and I would both be in tears. She did not want to latch and I was in pain. I thought about giving up every hour of every day that first week! Luckily, I did have plenty of support and mommy friends who were constantly encouraging me or I am certain I would have quit. The first thing and most encouraging thing I learned is that hating nursing at first is totally normal! When your baby does not want to latch and is hungry it is only normal to be upset and want to feed your baby any way you can. The second thing is every baby is different. You can not compare your baby to someone else's. Some babies want to eat every 2 hours the first week and can't get enough. The first week I was lucky if I could get Linley to eat every 4 hours! I tried everything to get her to go by the "NO MORE than 3 hour" rule but she would not eat until that fourth hour. I stressed so hard over it which made the whole breastfeeding struggle even more difficult. My advice; as long as those pee and poo diapers are there your baby is eating what she needs! Now she eats every 3 hours and has turned into quite the chunky monkey. By the third week of nursing it was as if a miracle had taken place, SHE WAS LATCHING! I can't explain how relieved I felt. After a bout of mastitis and loads of nipple cream the pain seemed to disappear as well. I was able to continue on nursing and finally able to enjoy that time with my baby. Now, breastfeeding is not for every mom or every baby. However, if you are truly set on breast feeding know that a little time can make a whole lot of difference. If it still is not working out you will know when to supplement or switch to the bottle. Small goals was what kept me going. I know that  after 2 weeks if she was still not latching good we would be on formula, but I was determined to push through for that long at least to give BF a chance. As a mom you will know the best way to feed your baby, so trust your instinct.

Sleep was the next biggest life shocker, or shall i say the lack thereof. I loved my sleep. I mean I was a 8- 10 hours a night of sleep kind of girl. There is no other part of my pre-mommy life I mourned more than my sleep. The first month I struggled sleeping even when I could! Every time my baby was asleep I was so afraid to let myself go to sleep. I felt this overwhelming feeling of someone having to watch her at all times. I would just stare at her little chest to make sure she was breathing.. Okay I still do it.. but only when I wake up now! We are still not back to me sleeping 8 to 10 hours at night again, but I will take the 5 hour stretches we are at right now. Somehow my body has learned that it can function on even the roughest of nights. My biggest advice for new mommy's is ACCEPT HELP or even ask for it if you need. Take it in any form you can get it; meals, cleaning, friends just holding your baby. It does not make you a weaker mom but only a stronger one. Being healthy should be a main priority, and only makes you a better mama.

But I promise any mommy to be or new mommy that it gets easier, MUCH easier after those first new weeks, and your love for your child grows somehow stronger each and every day. Through that rough blur of a first week in motherhood one amazing thing does occur. No matter how tired, overwhelmed or even sad you may feel about losing certain parts of your life, you look at this little baby and realize you have become the most self-less and strongest version of yourself. You love someone else with a different love than ever before and I believe it is a special love God gives us mamma's. I know I am only at the beginning of my road of motherhood but in such a short time Linley has made me the best version of myself and I can't wait to see how much more he will shape me in being her mommy.

Mom meets World.

I have always wanted to break into the blogging world, but to be honest..I just did not have much of anything that I truly cared to share about. Nothing I really thought could benefit others or that I thought others would actually care to read about . Since becoming a mother, I have never been more encouraged to re enter the blogging world. Not because I am now some super all knowing mom, (Not even close!) but because this is a topic I think truly benefits other moms. I feel my imperfections and fears can be encouraging to other's who share this season in their life.

My first week home with a new tiny bundle was one of the best yet scariest weeks of my life. I was so incredibly nervous and nothing could prepare me enough for the new role of Mommy. I literally stared at my child non-stop 24/7 to make sure she was breathing! Every time she cried a small part of me felt insufficient as a mother even though I knew... Babies cry! I mean I worked as a preschool teacher and a nanny before.. I knew kids.. I knew babies.. I read all the books, but all of that did not seem to matter. Those new hormones are something else! Outside of a whole lot of prayer and a ton of awesome support the next encouraging thing was actually social media. I am not sure how other Mommy's or Mommy's to be feel but seeing pictures and reading about the experiences of others going through the same stage of life gave me all the confidence in the world. I knew I was not alone.. that I was not the only one who was up at 2 AM with a screaming and hungry newborn (and again at 4am.. and then at 6am..), I was not the only one who had struggled in some fashion with breastfeeding and fearing if I was making the right decision for feeding my child, and I was not the only one who feared this new responsibility of caring for another entirely!  Now, with all the awesome mom posts I read, there is also a fair share of mommy shaming which can completely mess with your head and emotions. So as a mother I hope I can share my experiences and story with other mom's to be an encouragement. We are not perfect, but we love our children and are doing the best we can! As women and moms we should be encouraging one another daily and I hope to do that!

The first 24 hours... 

I was driving into work on a Monday when the strangest feeling, almost like a pop went off in my stomach. Immediately I knew A) I peed myself or B) MY WATER BROKE.. It was definitely B. However, getting out of the car and looking at my seat I noticed nothing but the color red. Without trying to freak out I called my Doctor and was told to come in right away. That ride to the hospital was filled with so many emotions... Was I in labor? Was this normal? Is my baby okay? Okay.. Macon DRIVE FASTER! We arrived and frantically ran (wobbled) in. I soon learned that yes, my water broke, but also my placenta ruptured and I was immediately admitted to Labor and Delivery! The first couple hours were.. easy.. I couldn't believe it.. I saw my contractions but felt hardly anything! I had to be started on Pitocin to get things moving along faster.. I had to deliver within 19 hours to avoid a C-section and 8 hours in I was still only 1 cm.. ugh. Finally, by hour 10 I was really starting to feel pain and I knew something must be happening now! I called for my epidural and told myself "okay we are having this baby!" Only to find out shortly after that I was STILL only 1 cm! I could not believe it.. I accepted at this point I was having a C-section and my nurse informed me that my doctor was heading home for the time being. I was laying there completely numb and tired and finally dozed into a nap. It was 11 am (the 15th hr) when my nurse woke me to do a quick exam. I laid there half awake when I heard her mutter, "Ill be right back"... Macon and I stared at each other and I joked that I must be going in reverse and am now 0 cm dilated. Next thing I know the nurse comes back in with another nurse and they both examine me.. trying not to freak out, I waited to hear what was going on. "The head is there and you are 11 cm dilated.. this baby is coming now!" What?! I was not mentally or physically prepared.. I was still not even fully awake. Next thing I know there was bright spotlights shinning in my face with all these people rushing in.. it seemed like only minutes and I was being told to push. My whole body was shaking from the shock of it all. They called the first pushes "practice pushes".. not sure what that means because I was pushing with all my might.. this seemed like the longest part of the whole day even though it only lasted for 45 minutes total. Everyone was yelling at me to push and I felt the strong urge of wanting to scream back "What do you think I am doing!" Well, after what seemed like forever.. I looked down and saw this tiny face emerge. I remember looking at her nose and eyes and ears as they lifted her up and thought "wow she looks perfect!" The shaking was 100 times worse now as they handed her to me. I felt the most overwhelming emotions of happiness, love, fear, and anxiousness. I was tired and it was late but I had so much adrenaline and could not stop looking at her! My little Linley Grace was born. That first nursing session went amazing! She latched on perfectly

and I thought to myself "wow we are pros!" ( I will soon retract that whole sentence).  When we finally were brought to our room for the night (which took forever!) the nurse turned out the lights with Linley sleeping in her little bassinet next to me and Macon asleep on the couch I could not believe what had happened. In just 24 hours my whole world changed because I had become a Mom.