I have always wanted to break into the blogging world, but to be honest..I just did not have much of anything that I truly cared to share about. Nothing I really thought could benefit others or that I thought others would actually care to read about . Since becoming a mother, I have never been more encouraged to re enter the blogging world. Not because I am now some super all knowing mom, (Not even close!) but because this is a topic I think truly benefits other moms. I feel my imperfections and fears can be encouraging to other's who share this season in their life.
My first week home with a new tiny bundle was one of the best yet scariest weeks of my life. I was so incredibly nervous and nothing could prepare me enough for the new role of Mommy. I literally stared at my child non-stop 24/7 to make sure she was breathing! Every time she cried a small part of me felt insufficient as a mother even though I knew... Babies cry! I mean I worked as a preschool teacher and a nanny before.. I knew kids.. I knew babies.. I read all the books, but all of that did not seem to matter. Those new hormones are something else! Outside of a whole lot of prayer and a ton of awesome support the next encouraging thing was actually social media. I am not sure how other Mommy's or Mommy's to be feel but seeing pictures and reading about the experiences of others going through the same stage of life gave me all the confidence in the world. I knew I was not alone.. that I was not the only one who was up at 2 AM with a screaming and hungry newborn (and again at 4am.. and then at 6am..), I was not the only one who had struggled in some fashion with breastfeeding and fearing if I was making the right decision for feeding my child, and I was not the only one who feared this new responsibility of caring for another entirely! Now, with all the awesome mom posts I read, there is also a fair share of mommy shaming which can completely mess with your head and emotions. So as a mother I hope I can share my experiences and story with other mom's to be an encouragement. We are not perfect, but we love our children and are doing the best we can! As women and moms we should be encouraging one another daily and I hope to do that!
The first 24 hours...
I was driving into work on a Monday when the strangest feeling, almost like a pop went off in my stomach. Immediately I knew A) I peed myself or B) MY WATER BROKE.. It was definitely B. However, getting out of the car and looking at my seat I noticed nothing but the color red. Without trying to freak out I called my Doctor and was told to come in right away. That ride to the hospital was filled with so many emotions... Was I in labor? Was this normal? Is my baby okay? Okay.. Macon DRIVE FASTER! We arrived and frantically ran (wobbled) in. I soon learned that yes, my water broke, but also my placenta ruptured and I was immediately admitted to Labor and Delivery! The first couple hours were.. easy.. I couldn't believe it.. I saw my contractions but felt hardly anything! I had to be started on Pitocin to get things moving along faster.. I had to deliver within 19 hours to avoid a C-section and 8 hours in I was still only 1 cm.. ugh. Finally, by hour 10 I was really starting to feel pain and I knew something must be happening now! I called for my epidural and told myself "okay we are having this baby!" Only to find out shortly after that I was STILL only 1 cm! I could not believe it.. I accepted at this point I was having a C-section and my nurse informed me that my doctor was heading home for the time being. I was laying there completely numb and tired and finally dozed into a nap. It was 11 am (the 15th hr) when my nurse woke me to do a quick exam. I laid there half awake when I heard her mutter, "Ill be right back"... Macon and I stared at each other and I joked that I must be going in reverse and am now 0 cm dilated. Next thing I know the nurse comes back in with another nurse and they both examine me.. trying not to freak out, I waited to hear what was going on. "The head is there and you are 11 cm dilated.. this baby is coming now!" What?! I was not mentally or physically prepared.. I was still not even fully awake. Next thing I know there was bright spotlights shinning in my face with all these people rushing in.. it seemed like only minutes and I was being told to push. My whole body was shaking from the shock of it all. They called the first pushes "practice pushes".. not sure what that means because I was pushing with all my might.. this seemed like the longest part of the whole day even though it only lasted for 45 minutes total. Everyone was yelling at me to push and I felt the strong urge of wanting to scream back "What do you think I am doing!" Well, after what seemed like forever.. I looked down and saw this tiny face emerge. I remember looking at her nose and eyes and ears as they lifted her up and thought "wow she looks perfect!" The shaking was 100 times worse now as they handed her to me. I felt the most overwhelming emotions of happiness, love, fear, and anxiousness. I was tired and it was late but I had so much adrenaline and could not stop looking at her! My little Linley Grace was born. That first nursing session went amazing! She latched on perfectly
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